Why Children need their fathers when growing up?

Father and Son

Plenty of people are asking the same question. What is wrong with kids growing up without fathers?  The thing that a lot of these people miss is a fathers point of view. I am going to throw my opinion into the ring here on Why Children Need their Fathers when growing up?

How often do you hear the term deadbeat dad, or absentee father or nobodaddy?  If you don’t hear the term you see the concept portrayed on almost every TV sitcom, advertisement or movie.

Like it or not children need the fathers when growing up. Children will always need their fathers.

No amount of girl power, charity fundraising, pink or one-sided divorce decisions are every going to change the universal need to balance masculine and feminine.

The concept of manhood has been lost for decades now which is just one of the symptoms of children growing up without fathers.

The Blame Game – If one man is bad then all fathers must be bad.

This entire conversation within the news, media and even face to face seems to be built on the premise of blaming others and shaming others. Personal responsibility and accountability is a virtue from previous generations long-lost.

Radicalized ideology once thought of as extremist has now become the acceptable practice and political correctness gone wrong has made open discussion a freedom we do not have anymore.

Criticism has become a sport and mediocrity resulted because we are all to worn down by judgment to excel at anything.

Effects to the single moms – Parenting is hard enough without creating more problems.

The bulk of single moms with relish in the challenges of raising smaller children but the effects of such a drastic life choice will not hit home until later on in their life when the children start school or grow up and leave home the woman is left with their entire identity and life purpose gone and forgotten.

All the attempts in the world to stop them from growing up or shame them into staying at home will not change the inevitable outcome that children need to grow up, separate from their parents, become independent citizens and forge out their own existence.Single mothers struggle

If not for anything else surely single moms can let go of the controls for a weekend and try to enjoy some downtime without the children. Quiet time alone will inevitably lead to some self introspection and ultimately time for some self reflection and even self-improvement. Self improvement can only be a good thing for everyone concerned.

Take the time to recharge your batteries. Get up to date with the washing/ironing if that’s your thing; take a yoga class or take a wine tour but do not waste this valuable time on Netflix binging.

Life is short and you only get out of it what you put into it.


Effects to the children later on into their adulthood

All boys need their father when growing up. Men co-operating with men starts with sons co-operating with dads. Modern civilization was built on the hard work of men co-operating with other men but unfortunately the culture we have now only puts men in competition with other men and recently also with women. Men compete with men for women and jobs. Men now also compete with women for jobs and the right to be a father.
All girls need their father when growing up. Girls will need healthy relationships with their fathers if they have any chance of ever having a reasonable marriage after they grow up.


Effects to the fathers – Grieving for your kids that you can’t see

Contrary to popular culture fathers are people too and have just as many feelings and emotions as mothers do. If all the single moms out there could imagine just how painful it would be to be separated from their children you should be able to empathize what it would be like.Mans grief

If you can’t empathize you just ticked the first indicator for narcissism.

If you don’t think it would be painful, you are most probably in some sort of denial of another bigger issue.

Take the time out to discuss the effects with a childless father. They are not hard to find. When you do you will find a world of unparalleled pain, grief and shame.

Click here for my article on divorce help for men.

Future Effects to the Marriage Institution, Population and Humanity

Divorce rates are sky-high making it normal for children to grow up in split homes. This will make marriage in the next generation even less appealing.

Marriage rates are plummeting. This leading indicator warns of things to come.

Birth rates are dropping. Less people getting married and less people having people having babies can only mean more transient relationships… how else do you explain the rise in popularity of tinder?
Male suicides continue unchecked and uncounted.

Technology is also being introduced that will only make these effects worse. Kids at school are coming home with the impression that men are not needed to have babies anymore. IVF is now an accessible choice for single women wanting to raise fatherless children.

Taxation and the government’s role

There are lots of conspiracy theorists out there that will claim the degradation of the nuclear family has been a planned and carried out by an alliance of wealthy aristocrats, government’s and gender equality radicalists to gain more power.Mens role holding it all together

I will let you make up your own mind on that one.

Family courts set the new traditional family unit. The new benchmark appears to be: Children will grow up without their father and if he behaves himself, pays his taxes and complies with the government’s standard of a good public citizen he will be granted visitation every second weekend.

The divorce industry makes good money but the delicate balancing act of government is to make sure fathers are not destroyed too much to render them incapable utilities for the means of paying tax. Cue the matrix scene full of the human batteries.

In summary

Children growing up without their father have a tremendous handicap to overcome. Most people don’t reach the point of acknowledging this as a problem, let alone spending time to think of a solution.

Fear drives most people’s behaviour (and lack there of). The fear of criticism, which is something the collective has become very good at.

Unfortunately we are still a long way away from gender equality but the dream brings with it a lot of momentum towards change. True gender equality can never be attained when children systemically do not have physically and mentally healthy fathers in their lives.
I would suggest that the collective health of a civilization can be measured by the health (both physical and mental) of its male population.

8 Replies to “Why Children need their fathers when growing up?”

  1. I couldn’t agree more with this post.
    I was blessed to live in a well-balanced family with both of my parents present. Me and my sisters are all well educated and giving back to the society. We know our worth, are married and living healthy family-oriented lives.

    Unfortunately, I know a lot of friends who didn’t grow with their father: it seems like they’re continually trying to find him, whether it be in relationships or the type of work they do.

    of course, I might be generalizing, but I do believe that growing up in a healthy family has shaped me into the human being I am today, with all my aspirations.

    And I also agree that divorce is a very lucrative business nowadays. I have an acquaintance who’s an actuary: he has a side business directly oriented at divorcing couple. He jokes often and says he’ll never run out of work.

    I find it really sad that marriage doesn’t mean what it used to mean. And those innocent children are in the middle of divorce procedures. I wish there was something we could do to change that…

    1. Welcome Didi and thanks for commenting.

      We can all do our own little bit to change the current situation.  Waking up to see things for what they really are is a good start.  Passing on your knowledge to those that will listen is the next step.  Unfortunately there is also a need to help people pick up the piece when the reality set in.   Best wishes to you and your family.

  2. Children do need their fathers. I grew up not even knowing who my father was. I tried for years to find out with no success.

    In some cases the father really doesn’t want anything to do with the child. But it seems that most of the time it is the mother or the government that keeps the father away.

    Sometimes there is good reason to keep the children away from their father. Unless it’s a case of any type of abuse, I believe that the father should be in their kids life as much as possible.

    1. timely comment J&H, and welcome.
      I started an article yesterday about parental alienation – It is titled “My ex-wife won’t let me see my kids – You are not alone brother”. There are ways good ways and bad ways to deal with these type of injustices. I find a lot of situations men talk to me about similar to getting a wild dog and using sharp sticks to corner it into a tight spot then expecting it to be react favourably.

  3. This topic hits home for me. I grew up not having my father but I never stopped me from being who I am today. I’m well educated along with my siblings. You have your bad and you have your good. So it’s not true that single parent raised uneducated children and they most likely to follow their foot steps.

    But when I went through my divorce I didn’t deprive my daughter of her father. He was a great father but a bad husband. That’s not my daughter’s fault because I chose a loser to begin with.
    I know from first hand experience that when that father and daughter dance came up it saddens me a little that my dad isn’t there to dance with me.

    Great article.

    1. thanks for your comments kelyee,
      Firstly, I think one of the biggest tragedies of a girl growing up without their father is a complete lack of understanding about men. I saw it with my ex-wife and i image it will play out again with my daughter.
      I commend you for not repeating the cycle & encouraging your daughter’s relationship with your ex-husband.
      Let’s all hope they can get to the dance together when it’s their time.

  4. Children growing up with one parent only or spending half the time with mom and the other half with dad is a sign of our time and part of a bigger problem unfortunately. To leave a better society and brighter future to our children, Adults need to take responsibility for their actions, learn to be humble and think about their kids before themselves. To stay in the topic, some men need to realize that they’re grownups and not kids anymore.

    1. Welcome Huguens and thanks for the insightful comments,
      How does a man “grow up” in your words today when there is no benchmark for him to meet anymore.
      All the typical ideals of a man these days are premised on the concept of perpetual change.
      For instance. the man must get an education then get a job then get married then get the house then get a better job then build social status for him and his wife then kids then build social status for his kids then get a better job then a bigger house for the kids then holidays then ……… i could go on forever then there is a list of things he is not supposed to do (show emotions, fail, take time out for his own self improvement, any type of self fulfillment, da da da) .
      Reminds me of someone riding a donkey and holding a carrot on a stick in front of the donkey’s mouth, steering it but never actually letting it get the carrot.
      There is a lot of shame squarely focused on controlling men and stopping them from ever getting that carrot.

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