Hi there. I am going to address a seemingly innocuous subject this morning. The importance of a fathers’ education on surface value appears to be quite a mild issue but you will see as I unpack it the layers get more and more critical as we get deeper into it.
Over the past 50 years or so more and more children are being raised without a father in the household. This has been a systemic shift and in my opinion it has been purposely engineered that way (but that is a topic for another day).
What are the impacts of children being raised without fathers’? Are there any impacts?
Unfortunately these are questions that I seldom hear being asked. Everyone’s focus is 100% gleamed in on the single mother’s victim hood and the children’s experience becomes jaded by the focus.
Wouldn’t it be nice if some of that focus was spent on bolstering the father’s mental health and getting him back into some role that vaguely resembles a father figure to the children? Easier said than done though.
Social Trends Towards Single Mother Households
Like it or not the sheer numbers of kids being raised in single parent households is skyrocketing. When I say single parents what I really means is single mothers.
When was the last time you heard of a single father raising children? I am sure they are out there and I am sure that they are doing a good job but chances are it is an arrangement of circumstances (not choice).
If we acknowledge the trend and then disregard the reasons why this is happening (hint: feminism gone wild) then we can really start the discussion topic for today.
Opposing Views Should Breed Choice – Not Conflict
The majority of men who are post divorce tell me that their ex-wives take on a gate-keeper roll. A gate keeper geared towards granting and denying child access based on an ever-changing list of rules, expected behaviors & most importantly exchange of money.
Again, if we can see past the immediate viciousness and try to look at the bigger picture we get a different outlook.
I want to take a few minutes of your time now to extend the arguments for No Fault Divorce onto Post Divorce Parenting. The most common stated reasons why No Fault divorce is required goes like this:
- blame is not productive and not tollerable
- government legislation is on hand to protect the women
- marriage vows can be broken (a divorce can be obtained) without any reprisal, question, ongoing accountability or any negative effects
Here is my challenge to all the single mothers post divorce looking to control their ex-husbands. All the same philosophies you used to justify your No Fault Divorce should carry on to your ex-husband during the upcoming years while your children grow up.
Again, we put that aside and get onto the topic at hand.
A Fathers Influence on Daughters
Here are a few positive considerations which I hope will reset some thought patterns out there. Your long term goals when raising your daughters should be to make them resilient, capable, independent & confident women able to stand alone in most part of the big wide world out there without support from anyone.
If, you deprive your daughter of a fathers’ influence you will deprive her of a huge chunk of life experiences she is going to need to draw upon later to cope with life’s challenges.
How is she going to ever understand or appreciate men if she never gets to spend time with one until it is within the confines of dating. I married one of these women, what a nightmare!
A Fathers Influence on Sons
When you deprive a boy of time with his father you will be depriving him quite a few different things. He will next a big gap in his understanding of origin. Those are just big words which mean if he thinks he comes from an evil man he is partly evil too.
His absence runs the risk of doing a lot more harm than his presence. Similar to the story above a father is needed to teach his son about women, how to treat them and how to be an adult.
For boys the focus in parenting is not understanding women but a lot more about understanding themselves and mastering a solid set of productive skills.
The Effects to the grandchildren
I see a lot of incomplete adults out there having their own children.
This is an extension of the topic that very few people ever get to unless you are on the serial killer end of the spectrum. I can’t imagine too many of you will be taking time out of your schedule to read my little blog 🙂
For their own reasons of not having a father around is the reality for a big chunk of kids going through school now. If, you scratch the surface you can also see that a big chunk of their mothers (their single mothers) have also grown up without a father. Have you ever taken a few minutes to think of the implications thereof?
Everyone has their own scenarios but the one recurring theme is that everyone is growing up with varying degrees of troubled childhoods and don’t have the skills or abilities to overcome the childhood trauma when transitioning into adulthood. While this has negative effects to themselves I think we should also take a minute to imagine just how all this childhood trauma is being passed onto their children. (aka anger issues, frustrations, lack of social skills, generic mistrust for men/women, fragility, inability to be held accountable, dependence on alcohol, dependence on welfare).
How to Surpass the Limitations Imposed On You
There are well-founded means by which you can jettison your childhood hangups or event your adulthood hangups and grow onto a more complete version of yourself. I have authored a course which draws upon antique values, beliefs, rituals, customs and rights of passage aimed at helping that transition from now into your autonomous future.