Hello there. Margery here bringing you yet another post, this time with plenty of stories about midlife crisis: For Women. Remy did his midlife crisis post about men, this one is going to be something very different. As usual, we women do things with a lot more multitasking than men – even when it comes to midlife crisis.
First up, the term midlife crisis is traditionally only used as a male thing. Let me change that right here and right now. Modern women have just a hard time as men do, we call it menopause and try to make out that it is a medical thing but something a lot more happened to a woman when she gets to a certain age around 35.
Different women go through the change at different times. Sometimes it is 35, I hear 37 the most.
So Let’s take a look at all the different parts of the story that culminate in such an event.
Middle Age Muffin Top
I like the term muffin top, it is a lot more fun than fat. The mistakable truth is though, that those love handles go through a serious growth spurt around your mid 30s girls. I blame hormones.
It is very encouraging to see that “big girls” are becoming more and more accepted among us but still for those battling the bulge it creates a lot more hard work that we could just do without. Remember when you used to be able to shave your legs in the shower? Not anymore, right.
There are good parts though. I stopped feeling guilty about not going to the gym once I succumbed to my new muffin top me, the lack of energy just made resistance seem futile.
Divorced, Single and Unlovable?
There is a growing community of us girls out there going through their midlife alone. No man to lash out on. No man to
pick up the lypo bill. No man to send out for another tub of ice cream. Lucky we have each other.
I don’t know exactly why almost all my girlfriends broke off their marriages at or around the age of 37-38. I figure that must be the time in a woman’s life when she transitions away from being a selfless mother and starts thinking about herself a big. Let me know your experiences below. Is there a reason or is it just a coincidence?
Empty Nest Empty Identity
In days gone by kids would have left the house by the time mom reach her mid 30s. No so these days though. When I say empty nest I am more referring to the end of the soccer mom era in life. No more driving kids around each week night and ferrying them around all weekend. As they become teenagers thank god they become a lot less extra curricula and they give mom a break to sit down and enjoy a glass of wine again.
However the extra time come with spikes. Let me explain. Whilst it was hard work driving them here and there the emptiness left behind when you are no longer required (or wanted) also can be hard for a girl to take. Rejection was never my strong suite and I took it hard when I went through it. At least it felt like rejection at the time. I am ashamed to say now there was more than a few tantrums thrown their way during my transition period.
So if we take a minute to recap we have got ourselves into quite a spot here haven’t we. 37 years young, muffin rolls where their never used to be muffin rolls, exercise exodus, single and kids who don’t need us anymore! The very thing that can pull a girl out of a slump like this is usually the very thing that eludes us the most – Money.
Whilst we all know that money never did grow on trees as we get older the people willing to help us out of a pickle seem to run a mile that big faster.
I don’t event want to talk about work except to say this. No middle-aged woman should ever have to be demeaned into manual labor work such as cleaning, washing or ironing someone else s crap. Unfortunately a lot of us have to go back to work (or even worse, have to go to work for the first time) during this period of life just to make ends meet.
Cats, Independence and Growing old Gracefully
Don’t despair too much though. There is a rainbow that can lead you away from Kansas and to a much happier place. First there are four common errors I see girls make that I should mention. Avoid these five.
1. Violence – Just the other day a women set fire to her ex-husbands car down the road from me. Whilst I know it is all very tempting and funny to laugh about (when it happens to someone else) the repercussions can be negative. Community service is no picnic and as these feminists push to close the gender gap even more violence (by women) is not being overlooked as much as it used to be. Keep you nose clean if you want to walk out of your mid-life crisis intact girls.
2. Alcohol – I have buried a girl good girlfriends due to injuries or illness due to alcohol abuse. Of course that is a no go conversation but a lot of women turn to the bottle too when life gets hard.
3. Man bashing & The Negativity Spiral – Now there is jovial man joking and there is career man bashing (hairy armpit style). Don’t let the militant or radical feminist type of women sway you over to the dark side, particularly post divorce. It is very comfortable to stay inside the hate zone and blame all men for all things but it is also a road to oblivion.
4. Swapping teams – There are those of you who fail to skipped point 3 above and when that happens (which I have seen firsthand dozens of times) a surprisingly big proportion of those girls become very cosy with the radfems. Cosy to the point of turning off men all together and resorting to a lesbian relationship. On a very seldom occasion I have seen this path work out well but by overwhelming majority misery follows a choice that involves you burying big parts of your self identity.
5. Shut ins, Recluses & Spinsters – Locking yourself off from your social groups will be devastating to your dance card. I can only imagine the inner turmoil that would have to happen to make this option even seem possible. Being middle-aged doesn’t mean that you need to close the social part of life.
Now that that is said and done, I want to try to put you on a path towards recovery. First up I want you to write down a list of all your dependencies – that is all the things you need to live, people you depend on or habits/services you feel you can’t live without. Here is a sample list
- a car – I couldn’t live without a car
- my cat – I wouldn’t know what to do with him
- my food stamps
- my welfare cheque
- my child support payments (when I get to see them)
- my daughters – life would be meaningless without them
- my mother – free babysitting is a girls necessity
- my job – I hate my job but need to pay rent (and buy wine)
You get the point. Now I want you to pick the easiest one to get rid of and put a plan in place to get rid of it.
Good luck, let me know what you chose below by leaving a comment.