There are several passive aggressive female traits that come up almost every time you get a chance to speak to a divorced man (or someone who has been in a long term relationship). Now thanks for the wonders of modern technology such information can be shared among people at the ground level.
Psychologists have long known that each gender comes with specific psychological traits that help build up the human psyche as we know it. Capitalism has brought with it a huge flurry of work aimed at both understanding and manipulating our human traits usually for commercial and retail purposes. Do a search in google for “the secret psychology of shopping malls”
Two such psychological operations are explained below.
Sensory activators – certain colors are used to invoke certain reactions (red stimulates and energizes)
Auditory activators – sounds or lack of sounds are used to invoke certain emotions (the emotion of nostalgia is used to elevate moods)
Correlations Between Mass Culture and Your Marriage
How does all this affect your marriage? Stick with me and I will explain bit by bit how all the awful bits of the modern culture outside your home tend to manifest themselves slap bang in your lounge room (and usually not for the benefit of married kind).
The modern age of information has given everyone hooked into your social media accounts a fly-on-the-wall view right into your lounge room which has impacted every ones belief systems, paradigms and expectations.
Marriage has never been so temporary or so social group oriented as it is today.
One key thing to remember here is that these female traits may have started as exclusively females but as the world becomes more and more feminized/emasculated married men mirror the same behaviors just to fit in.
The Silent Treatment
Also known as The Ice Queen.
The good old silent treatment is a staple tool used by a lot of people in relationships but if you take a good hard look it is a tool of passive aggressive control. By refusing to answer the question the silent assassin is taking control of the dialogue and directing interactions. The worst case scenario is that this is a statement of shame “You are not even worth of my response,” but in your best case scenario it could be “I dunno; followed with a shallow batter of the eyelashes.” Either way if you are dealing with a patron of the silent treatment there is very little good that can come from it.
A lot of these traits are best used in tandem. The silent treatment along with ignorance and a woman prerogative can often form an impenetrable barrier of control that just looks and feels like everyday interactions.
A Woman’s Prerogative To Change Her Mind
This is one of those paradigms that everyone gets drilled into them from birth right the way through to death and very rarely will you find anyone who challenges it.
It is more of a privilege the female exclusively hold; female has the privilege of constantly being able to change their position without repercussions.
The impact of trying to live with someone who is a perpetual chameleon is subtle but more and more men are waking up to the fact that their wives just can’t be satisfied; no matter how hard he tries.
This constant change manifests itself in very strange and very confusing contradictions are most men see but don’t question. (e.g. men must be strong, muscular and virile but not aggressive or butch; men must be sensitive but not a mummy’s boy; men must be confident and bold but not commanding). Talk about an ongoing series of mixed messages.
Women are emotionally based creatures, no one in the right mind will ever question that statement.
I would go so far as to say that for a lot of women the focus on emotions becomes a sole focus and the reality of a three-dimensional world becomes a secondary issue.
Try having an argument or even having a conversation about a real thing with someone like this and you will only get a series of nonsensical responses that seem to focus on the feelings of the situation and potential issues that may cause other feelings.
Subjectivity coupled with a woman’s prerogative to change her mind when taken to the extreme creates a constant roller-coaster ride of emotions and eventually a reliance on more extreme emotions to feel validates for the first emotions. Now you will find yourself married to a self entitled and self-appointed princess who can’t be satisfied; no matter how hard you try.
Women are the natural organizers social events and the bulk of modern men have assumed a back seat position in their own social lives. The married man cliche statements have become ones of subservience (e.g. I will check with my wife, I will see if I am allowed to, My wife has got the whole weekend planned for me).
Time is the most important aspect to life, after all it is the only commodity you can’t get back.
The consequence that this has to a man is that as he has less and less time to spend to recuperate from the drama his self-esteem and self-worth is slowly worn down which only hands over more power to a passive aggressive partner hell-bent on control.
I am pretty confident this is one trait you will never find a man exhibit. This is one of those occasions where men and women are very different and will remain so. Women have become the gatekeepers of sex (refer to Briffaults Law). It is the woman in any relationship who will control all intimate exchanges, as such this power can also be abused and manipulated. Seemingly inane reactions like “not tonight I just washed my hair” have different meanings when you pull your head out your end and look for the big picture.
This is the most powerful way that a man can be controlled during a long term marriage and its power comes from getting him to question his own self-worth.
Female Group Think
This is the game of Power in numbers; even if your shared philosophy is insane the sheer power of numbers will trump the most logical lone wolf every time.
Social media is the perfect example of female group think at play.
Have you ever heard a woman say “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” well the updated version goes like this “women communicate and live in schools just like fish, the school will decide what they need on a moment by moment basis.”
It is kind of hard to differentiate ignorance from a few of the other traits mentioned above; particularly the silent treatment, roller coaster emotions and a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.
On the rare occasion that divorced men do tell their stories the majority of passive aggressive wives are blatantly and un-apologetically ignorant of her husbands wants, needs, desires or opinions. In extreme cases the ignorance extends to outright expulsion.
Regular readers on my site would have heard me drum on about the shaming language before. Check out this article Divorce Help for Men.
There are probably hundreds of examples of how male bashing terminology has been accepted into everyday language. (e.g. dirty old man, beardo weirdo, bad man, scary man, boy look,)
The summarized version goes like this; a generalization is made whereby another man’s actions are resurrected and thrown at you as some sort of evidence that because you are man you are equally as bad merely by association.
Do not accept such childish arguments if your wife or if anyone uses such shaming tactics on you; it is a reflection on their dark personalities more than it is on you.
If you have made the conclusion that you are married to a passive aggressive partner, firstly my condolences you have some very hard decisions to make.
My first recommendation would be to educate you on your situation and on your options.
Western cultures are severely gynocentric and if you are a married men staring down the face of divorce believe me that a world of pain like none you have ever imagined if coming your way.
In saying that there are ways to mitigate the risk and control the damage. Good luck men. Stay strong.
Hi there, My friends call me Remy. I am a middle aged divorcee that has decided not to walk the path other people decided to set down for me. I have gained the most strength in my life from my failures. Resilience is a very powerful attribute if you can manage it, I am still building mine up but stick with me and we can forge ahead together.