Forgotten Victims & Parental Alienation Syndrome?

parental alienation

Howdy. My kids have been showing signs of parental alienation syndrome since way back before I split up with my ex. She was distorting their minds years before the split but now that the divorce is over and now that the kids are old enough to see things for themselves what effect has it all had on them? Join me for a quick delve into another topic which “they” don’t want you to talk about or think about.

Important note: I am not a medical practitioner. If you believe you or your kids need psychiatric help don’t hesitate, see your GP and share your pain. Do not waste a minute worrying about the reactions of others.

 

What is Parental Alienation syndrome in kids?

Here is a quote from Wikipedia that I believe sets the correct context for my post.

Parental Alienation Syndrome wikipedia quote
Source: Wikipedia

So the key thing to remember now is the PAS is all about the children. I was shocked when I was going through my family court situation to see for myself that the legal system understood parental alienation (between adults) all too well. It was another one of those situations where everyone knows, sees & hears it and they are well attuned to not ever talking about it. They never acknowledged its existence directly (always indirect and always in a shrug your shoulders kind of yes I know kind of way). As I have said in earlier posts these are the times when silence is deafening.

When I asked the social workers about the effects to the children they drew a blank. When, I asked the psychologists they generalized about the need kids will have for counseling once they leave home if they ever want to be functional adults. No mention of trying to help the kids before the damage was done. Not by any of them. I guess the need for them to placate to the malicious mothers if greater.

It made me reflect on the obvious and common trauma all these kids are going through (not just mine, every child subjected to a bitter single mother who doesn’t mind getting on the man bashing bandwagon) and the effects they carry with them into their adulthood. No wonder we have so many people who come from traumatized parents and grandparents fueling the fire of discontent. The proof is in the divorce rates and in your social media feeds about the gender wars.

How is Parental Alienation perpetrated

The types of readers I get to my site quite often are men who have kids and didn’t make it through their divorces unscathed. They are carrying emotional scars, financial scars and PTSD symptoms from events that sometimes unfolded years ago totally out of their control and more often than not very similar to each other.

The act itself of alienating a father has been fairly well covered elsewhere so I don’t want to overlap here.  That is a whole post unto itself.  Here is a link to a term you should become familiar with

Malicious Mother Syndrome

and a link to one of my previous posts.

Link: “My Ex-wife won’t let me see my kids”

 

What are the parental alienation syndrome symptoms?

After seeing this firsthand for years on end it is quite easy to identify but for anyone else out there my children s behavior is seen as very different to what I consider to be reality.

Symptom 1: “I don’t want to go, I hate daddy, I don’t want to see him”

parental alienationWhen your kids say this, week in and week out you become quite immune to it, but someone seeing it for the first time has a very dramatic response. I know that it is all just a show to keep them in favor with their mother and that the minute she is out of the picture they are free to say whatever they really want to say (which is quite often the exact opposite). However, to someone new to the situation it is quite easy for them to jump to conclusions very quickly and brandish me with the all too typical BAD MAN tag. You know the common stereotype getting around the single mom communities – bad dad, beardo weirdo, creepy guy, scary man, angry man – and they are the nice ones, I have had male friends victimized to the tune of pedophiles and rapists (all false of course but we all know that false claims are part of the territory don’t we!)

So the symptom to look out for here is a completely different attitude of your children toward you under different circumstances.

Symptom 2: “All men are b#stards” and other mimicry

The phrase itself is not the important thing here it is the obvious mimicry your kids will show. They won’t understand it so it takes a very stable and very brave man to see beyond the face value of the insults and really understand the underlying motives. In these cases the children have been subjected to years of emotional manipulation so you can’t really blame them for not operating as a fully independent and stable person unto themselves.

Very seldom do I see the targets of these situations display the maturity and understanding required to shrug off the insults and long term attacks to come out of it still with the ability to offer support to help their children overcome the abuse that they are themselves needing help for. If you want that sort of help, that is what I am here for.

 

Does it have long term effects? Is it child abuse?

There is a meme getting around saying something to the effect of PARENTAL ALIENATION IS CHILD ABUSE. Whilst I agree with the sentiment I also don’t promote such a black and white view of the world. The children who are subjected to Parental Alienation are definitely subject to all sorts of nasty emotional manipulation, brainwashing and sometimes fear mongering but you have got to be very careful not to allow them to become lost in the real of victim hood. Victimhood is the state whereby they identify their entire self-worth based on their history. Obviously only negative self-worth can come from such an internal point of view but in practice what they gain is a very long line of people jumping out of their skins to focus more and more attention on victims (more attention is often misunderstood as popularity and false self-esteem follows).

Hope

I want you to watch this video. It has a very powerful message. It changed my trajectory the minute I stumbled across it by accident. Please share it with anyone you suspect has ever heard of the word or subjected to Parental Alienation.

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there, My friends call me Remy. I am a middle aged divorcee that has decided not to walk the path other people decided to set down for me. I have gained the most strength in my life from my failures. Resilience is a very powerful attribute if you can manage it, I am still building mine up but stick with me and we can forge ahead together.

6 Replies to “Forgotten Victims & Parental Alienation Syndrome?”

  1. My heart breaks for kids like this. It’s such a sad world we live in. There are plenty of good parents out there that just don’t get to see their kids because of controlling ex’s or other reasons. I remember when my uncle divorced, it was something like that. My cousins distanced themselves from us, but I wonder now if they were fighting this Parental Alienation Syndrome. I’m glad there is a way to reverse it though.

    1. PAS is becoming more and more common as the society becomes more narcissistic Cyrus.  I have got estranged family members all over the place.  For some reason man bashing and man hating has become a norm.

  2. I’m sorry you are going through this. Divorce is tough on kids and it really makes a mess of everyone involved, I feel. It’s so important that you don’t have the alienation from your kids if you want to make sure they still like and enjoy spending time around you. Hopefully your kids will be okay.

    1. Divorce can be as tough or as easy the related parties want to make it.  Hopefully someone can teach the kids how to shed all their childhood trauma after effects before they move into adulthood and repeat all the same mistakes.  

      That is called multi-generational trauma and it is very common.

  3. Hi, there

    I read every single word with you and it is so good for you to go out on this topic since you have experience of this and it tells me that you love your kids a lot, I have 3 children and love them a lot, It’s so right of you that they know a lot more than what we think.

    In my younger years, I drank a lot and my wife, and I were often fighting, and I can see it now after I stopped drinking what I was stupid, of course, this hit the kids and my oldest boy has it hard to be alone , and I think it’s all my fault.

    I think this is great for you to do this page and help others understand this, we need to think carefully about our children.

    Thank you very much for doing this.

    Best regardsSalomon.

    1. You can’t blame yourself for a bad marriage saloman.  It is supposed to be a partnership remember! 

      Your sons go through a major (physiological) life change about 15.  Give the relationship another chance about then.

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