Oops! I created my Feminized Husband

feminized husband

It wasn’t until my oldest daughter started dating a low-life and I had to give her relationship advice that I realized I had trained my ex-husbands so hard (and far too successfully) into being the men I wanted them to be that they became the overly feminized husbands I despised.

I am going through a massive period of self reflection and learning as part of my Yoga training. Here is a topic that came up in a conversation at my book club a few weeks back. We are a circle of middle age women, mostly divorced moms past our primes now but still with it. Anyway, quite a few of us have teenage daughters and the conversations often turn to the teenage boys, relationships and also the type of advice we give our daughters as opposed to the advice we were given.

It is amazing what revelations can be made with a group of like-minded girls and a good supply of chardonnay.

He wasn’t feminized when I met him

It was when I looked at wedding photos again that I realized both my husbands were quite manly and rough around the edges when we walked down the aisle(s). 🙂 I am talking beards, muscles, body odor, hairy chests and whole caboodle. They were both very protective of their mothers though, I knew that and didn’t mine at the time. RED FLAG.

5 Benefits of a Feminized Husband

feminized husband 2The benefits are undeniable once you have kids. Having a feminized husband is the next best thing to having another mother there I guess. I can imagine similar benefits would come in lesbian relationships when two moms are on deck all the time. Here is my list

  1. foot massages
  2. he can cook
  3. he will look after the kids while you go out with your girlfriends (or male friends)
  4. he is always there to carry all those pesky bags and boxes that come with you everywhere (nappy bags, strollers, prams, boxes, groceries etc)
  5. sometimes it is just fun to watch him squirm

 

How does one learn to feminize a husband?

If I had to summarize it down to 10 steps of how it happened for me anyway:

  1. The Hook – during the first few months to a year offer up sex and often and as varied as you need to get him to he loves you. You may need to push hard but if he doesn’t take the bait you may need to diversify. Sometimes you will have to cut your losses and try a different fish because your fertility window shuts.
  2. feminized manLeisure time – his leisure time was turned into my leisure time
  3. Social circles – time for him to grow up and mix in proper circles
  4. His friends – had to go
  5. His Family – were distanced
  6. Move in with him – redecorate and girlify; that is not a word but I like it still.
  7. Merge Finances – then spend, spend, spend
  8. Use sex as a reward for him – this started early, works best sparingly
  9. Steer his career into something that better fits
  10. His Long term goals – turned into mine or eradicated altogether

The disgusting part when you look back on it was just how natural it all came. My mother and her friends played a big part in shaping my expectations for a marriage and also on molding my behaviors towards a man. From the moment when as a girl I dreamed about getting married and being a mother. Way back then I had started to create my own fairy tale view of what it was going to look like.

One reality sets in and you see that the fairy tale won’t happen by itself that is when I found myself having to train him. Sitcoms and romance novels did a great job of steering the path too.

 

His response was less than ideal – Compliance!

Do you know how you say one thing but you really mean something completely different? It is hard to put into words. It must be a thing about being a woman – the words that come out often mean something completely different to us than they do to our husbands. Why can’t they just understand what we are trying to say without us having to say it.

He just went along with it and did whatever I told him to do as long as he was still getting fed and getting sex. In hindsight, we were both duped.

If he got Feminized – did I get Masculine?

woman masculineIf I believe my yoga teacher I need to think of the world as a balance of good and evil, masculine and feminine, strong and weak, hot and cold etc. So I posed the question – If my husband became magically feminized during the marriage does that mean that I had to be turning masculine?

It is a very scary question to ponder so I resorted to a weekend away with my best friend a case of wine and some serious soul-searching. After a week of sifting through old photos, watching old videos and most shockingly reading my Facebook history the results were in.

Yes, the long haired feminine beauty that was me in my 20s transformed into something a lot less fragile and a lot more “rough around the edges.” I have got hair now in places I never thought possible and I don’t bother landscaping it, I fixed a broken door the other day and I drive a pickup.

I know that doesn’t count for much but the whole process definitely changed me as a woman into a very different type of woman.

5 Downsides of a Feminized Husband

Of course we live in an imperfect world so all the pros apparently need to be balanced out with cons. During my marriage(s) I really would have struggled to come up with anything to put on this list but now (I have been without man for a long time) all the downsides are quite obvious because the fog of selfishness has been lifted. Here is the list:

  1. the more feminized he becomes the worse the sex gets
  2. he will reach a plateau in his career where he won’t earn any more money and motivation to do so vanishes
  3. he gets fat and lazy
  4. the mood swings can be almost as bad as mine were
  5. eventually he becomes worn down by all the mind games, traps and guilt trips etc and they lose all their effectiveness. He is a lot like a limp fish by now. Not good for much at all beyond money, ironing, cooking and cleaning.
  6. it is hard work taking charge all the time
  7. another kid to look after
  8. the prince in the fairy tale is never effeminate – these feminised men will never save you girls in distress.

Oops I went a bit over.

COMMENTS – PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW, I WANT TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. AM I CRAZY?

 

7 Replies to “Oops! I created my Feminized Husband”

  1. This is the most selfish, disturbing, and quite frankly disgusting thing I’ve read in a long time. No wonder you are divorced twice you hate the nature of men and then hate the ways you’ve changed them. there is something wrong with this author and she should be ashamed of how she has treated men.

  2. Oh my gosh! I now see what my ex wife did to me!
    I did all the house work, yard work, laundry, grocery shopping, dropping and picking up the children, giving her neck, back and foot massages, stayed home while she went out, was distanced from my family ( if I called my mother or sister, her daughter from her first marriage, called to report on me), and yes, my corporate climb was ended. I was stuck and she soon earned almost half of what she did. Then she had an affair and left me!

    1. sorry for your loss Paul,
      Unfortunately I have been where you are and so have many of us.
      There was one piece of advice an old man gave me once when I told him my similar story that I want to share with you.

      Welcome to the majority.

      I hope you find some value in my posts. They present quite a different philosophy to what you will see elsewhere.
      Here is a few leads if you want to delve deeper into the rabbit hole – shame, identity politics, gaslighting & shit tests.

  3. Honestly, you just sound like a C!nt. Man or woman, nobody deserves this kind of narcissistic abuse. Twice divorced? Try treating your partners with respect and dignity and maybe you wont hit a third?

  4. You’re garbage. Doesn’t matter what the hardware is. Absolute filth. You deserve to be alone. Hopefully your kids realized what a shit person you are and hopefully the people you’ve hurt have healed. Go on another “wine and soul search” maybe some self analyzing will get you to the point where you feel remorse for that shit water you are.

  5. Hey Margery Carroll Rickards (3 names always a sign of a witch), consider yourself lucky you haven’t caught a bullet. You’re highly deserving.

    1. I don’t think we are going to be hearing back from Margery again guys.
      I would enjoyed watching her try to valid one lie by more lies compounding into utter insanity but that is pretty common these days.
      For the record she was 10 time more pathetic and crazy off the record.
      Heaven help the new man she got her hooks into.

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