My Regrets After Midlife Crisis Divorce

regrets after midlife crisis divorce

Hello beautiful world. My name is Margery and you are reading my very first post. By the end you will see for yourself why I was elected the perfect candidate to talk about Regret After Midlife Crisis Divorce (even though I am female, the fairer sex, I still managed to pull off a decent midlife crisis. Something my male colleagues all aspire to I bet. Ha Ha Ha.

Unfortunately I don’t have a sportscar to show for it but I do have plenty of regrets and plenty of lost opportunities to share with you.  My aim here is to counter the popular fairytale story that an empowered woman can do anything.  My experiences were that empowerment failed to pay my bills or attract men and girl power wasn’t enough to lift those weights at the gym when I needed it most.

My Backstory: prior to the midlife divorce

I was never the most popular girl in school. I had plenty of boyfriends going through high school but never steady and no one long term. I was at an all girl boarding school which made things kind of difficult but also kind of easy to get away with stuff.

I graduated from high school (a long time ago now) and went off to college just like everyone else. I studied English Lit and was dreaming of writing a novel then marrying an actor. University life didn’t agree with me and I had to leave at the end of year two. It was a mutual decision made by the faculty staff. So I moved to Michigan and got an admin job for a rental car company. Within 12 months I was pregnant to a married man, my job was in jeopardy (it was the managers kid) and rent was due.

So I married my first husband Ronald in a shot gun wedding three weeks after I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. I convinced myself at the time the kid could have been his.

Ronald and I were married for 8 years before married life decided that the girls and I weren’t cut out for it anymore. I was married to my second husband Henry within 12 months and pregnant with my second daughter about three months on. Henry had a huge house, nice yard in a wealthy suburb and plenty of family within earshot so life was looking up for a while back then.

Around the age of 37 married life again decided that a change was needed. Henry made his unceremonious departure from the house and my girls and I set up shop and tried to move on with our lives.

My First year was great

Everyone was a great support the first year. I had no trouble at all, help was always just an eye flutter or two away. My girls was close and the support community we had at their school meant we all filled our days (and nights) will event after event and visitors were a plenty. In that first year single life was treating us well and I loved divorced life. I had a handful of boyfriends and I thought it was only going to get better.

In my Second year it became harder

The next year started off with my elder daughter starting at her new school. First year of middle school meant a whole new community of people and a whole new group of friends (both for her and for me). I never gelled with any of the moms at middle school that year. My boyfriend and I grew apart and menopause took a tight hold of me. What a shock that was. All the preparation in the world girls doesn’t help.

My Third year was a turnaround

midlife crisis for women regretYear three saw me join a gym for the first time since my 20s. By that stage I felt I had conquered the menopause and was ready to take the new me for a few laps around the school yard (if you can read between the lines). The male gym folk didn’t take too kindly to my chirpiness so I moved around several gyms and couldn’t muster up much more than a dirty weekend away. I was pi$$ed and all the exercise was doing nothing to help my bulging waistline either.

The bulk of the divorce settlement money was long gone and I also found myself looking for a job at the age of 40. What a disgrace. Admin work was foreign to me now computers had taken holder, customer service and waitressing is for the 20 something year old girls, then I found freelancing and haven’t looked back.

Henry and Ronald were both remarried by now and had new children of their own. It was devastating for me to see how irrelevant my girls and I had become to them almost overnight. Don’t go there…

Years Four, Five and onward are an empty hell

A few years on and my girls started dating. I had settled down content with my cat Felix (he is a Persian and very sociable, he also can take several commands) but life in the suburbs raising two teenage girls and working five days a week just wasn’t where I wanted to be at that stage of life.

To my surprise I joined a woman’s support group and what a shock that was. These women were all unhappily married and appeared to aspire for the life I led (divorced, employed, alone and with mortgage). It didn’t matter how many times or how many ways I explained my situation to them they had this romantic notion that middle-aged divorce brought with it all the perks of “Sex in the City.”

Girls, that is all horse dung.

My Top Ten Regrets Ater My Midlife Crisis Divorce

woman regret after divorceNeedless to say I spent many nights crying in the laundry (sometimes with a wine glass in each hand) contemplating the past, regretting the few decisions I did make and embellishing the attention I did get.

  1. Not marrying a richer man in the first place (ha-ha )
  2. Not having a backup man on the hook
  3. Not having any skills to fall back on when I did need to get a job
  4. Watching both my ex-husbands start new family from the sideline whilst the best companion I could find was Felix (my cat, my beautiful brave friend cat)
  5. Not learning beforehand about the crazy things that menopause does to your brain
  6. Not learning beforehand about the crazy things that menopause does to your body
  7. Getting pregnant to the wrong man, then having to scramble for a cover story
  8. Not marrying a better prospect the second time around (sorry Henry)
  9. Sticking it out, either of the two marriages would have been a lot better than having to work for a living as a single mom
  10. Believing all the hype about women’s empowerment – working for a boss at minimum wage and giving it all over to pay minuscule bills is not a very empowering way to spend your 40s girls.

Don’t make the same mistakes, listen to the people who have come before you, take their advice and above all else girls (and guys I guess) don’t let anyone else sell you short.

If you enjoyed this article please do me a favor and share it with someone.  I did a deal, if I get 100 shares they will give me another article to write.  Thanks.

10 Replies to “My Regrets After Midlife Crisis Divorce”

  1. This sounds like a tough time in your life, i’m really sorry to hear about it and I hope it starts to improve however i’m sure you don’t want sympathy and that’s not why your’e writing this post!

    I will be sure to learn from your ‘mistakes’, even though I am male. 

    Thank you for writing this post about the more difficult time in your life, so that others can learn from it.

  2. Sorry, i cant offer any comment on the articles except that you need to use a clearer dark font in your writing. I am myopic so forgive my disability. Light font brightens the screen which makes too much light,  giving me a problem to read with or without glasses. Please consider this next time.

    1. thanks Euphrasia, 

      the font colour is an improvement I have been struggling to make, I know it is important but the limitation of wordpress seem to be hard and fast in this case.

      thanks for the comment, I will escalate the issue on your advice and try to make it easier to read.

  3. Hi there Margery. Thanks for sharing your life with the world. It is reality. We all have our own struggle and regrets in life. The best we can do I guess, is to learn from our mistakes, move forward and don’t look back. We can’t do anything with the past anymore. But we can do something today. One small steps a day for the better will take us to the next and the next….

    1. there is lots to be learned from the past, how are we ever going to learn how to stop making the same stupid mistakes over and over again? I would hate to see my daughter make the same mistakes.

  4. I must say that this article is very emotional and interesting. I am very sorry because of what happened you but that is life. Friend of mine has divorced from her husband and I know how hard that can be but I think that it is better to move on instead of sitting in place where there is no love.

  5. I’m so excited because my broken marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that dr umoru can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to dr umoru. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that dr umoru real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore,

    1. it is a risky game when you 100% depend on someone else for your mental stability sandra. I would have much rather see you take matters into your own hands. There must have been an underlying root problem that made him leave in the first place, that would have been a good place to start. I don’t believe in the type of faceless magic you buy over the internet.

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