I have been haunted by a memory from a morning I had a few years ago now. It was another one of those points in time when life shows you its worst and it lead me to some very dramatic life changes in the months to follow. If you have read some of my previous posts about personality types or social hierarchy’s you will be familiar with my analogy of the delta male. [click the previous link if you want to catch up].
To summarize all those posts into the context of this topic lets go with the idea that a delta male is the utility (work horse) of the modern era, he works hard at something in particular (doesn’t really matter what it is) and enjoys the sacrifices he makes to provide for a wife and kids (or other family members).
The Events of Friday Morning October 31
School Drop Off
I can remember the morning vividly but I also have diary entries I have dug out to get a perspective unjaded by time. I was asked to drop my kids off to school (which was rare because I didn’t get to see them much back then), it was the last day of term and my daughter (about 6 at the time) was dressed for a school pajama party, complete with teddy bear.
I sat outside her classroom waiting for the bell to ring she ran around with her friends (all very excited to be wearing similar unicorn pajamas) whilst I quietly watched on.
As a side note, I was reading a mind bending book by Eckhard Tolle and it was doing bazaar things to my awareness of things around me and changing the way I perceived those things. That is a whole other series of posts though.
As I sat in the sun I watched the girls running around in a group playing chasey games (dressed in their pajamas and having the time of their lives) whilst I noticed the boys sitting in line dressed in school uniform timidly and passively letting time pass by. The immediate reaction was a complete 180 degree turnaround from when I was a kid but then a second thought cross my mind. It was nothing like that when I was a kid, no one at such a young age of so jaded by life and weary of contributing to a social situation or being noticed. Something completely different was going on but it was very passive, very subtle, very subliminal and would have gone by very unnoticed if I wasn’t in the middle of an extreme regime of awareness extension exercises.
There is a lot more to that moment but I will move on to the next part of the morning which is even more startling. After school drop off, I rushed into work. At the time I worked in a large firm in the technical services industry. It was a typical company of the time, a public policy for everything, progressive management and strangely polical leaning for such unrelated technical matters. I made it to work just in time for another one of those dreaded morning teas. Wasn’t I in for a shock today. It was not the right day to turn up unprepared but I walked into a minefield without knowing it.
Domestic Violence Pledge Gone AWOL
Unknown to me it was Domestic Violence Awarerness Week and I was quickly ushered into a group of men (who were just as surprised), herded into a corner and given pieces of paper that we were told we would soon be reciting out loud in front of the whole company and video taped for the social media feeds.
I read the paper it was some sort of generic pledge that we were being told to make. Five things immediately stood out to me that I strongly disagreed with
- All violence is perpetrated by evil men and innocent women
- All men need to be brought down several notches by publicly shaming them into admitting general faults in mankind
- All men will be judged collectively on what the worst common denominator amongst them does
- All women are victims, need constant protection and need more resources, utilities & money
- Violence can mean anything including a woman’s perception that something is thinking something unsavory about her.
I knew the contradictions were far too great to resolve within the space of about 5 minutes, which was all the time I had. On top of all the family court sagas going on for me at the time and dealing with my owned faked claims of domestic violence during my custody battles it soon became apparent that this was a last straw about to break a camel’s back.
The simplicity of lying down in the foetal position and having a mental breakdown was eminently attractive but I mustered up the strength to do something a lot more constructive.
A supreme clarity and calmness took over me. I dropped the piece of paper, broke out of the group which stood in front of a crowd of feverish women. To their amazement I passed through their human barrier, ignored their cries and proceeded to grab my backpack, laptop and quietly left the building without saying a word.
It was career suicide but I found myself at the point where my personal self esteem and mental health was a million times more important to me than a career of servitude that I hated. Not very men ever get to this point and looking back I am very fond of the reaction I took. Of course these days I have learnt to see the warning signs a lot earlier.
How Does This Relate to Delta Males?
The events of that morning cast a whole new light on my entire life up to that point. I could now see that from the moment I was old enough to join in on largish social groups I was fighting an invisible force wanted me to thinking like an individual and start lining quietly behind the social leaders to accept my orders.
It wasn’t until a decade into my marriage and about 20 years into my career that the invisble force of that social group finally wore me down and started breaking me into the serfdom that they wanted me to do. Modern marriages and modern social groups have an ability to demand conformance at the expense of your individuality and at the threat of social isolation. The threatened social isolation is an oxymoron no matter which side of the coin you look at it from.
If you come from the side within the social group the isolation threat you are making is an empty one. The more people you isolate the weaker your group gets but the more people you let into the fold the weaker your group gets because it can only ever be as strong as it’s weakest link.
I guess the only moral of this story is that you should have some morals of your own (not someone elses).
I hope you got something constructive from the post, they certainly help me unravel all the contradictions in my life. I hope you can find your own process of unravelling your own obstacles. Cheers.
Hi there, My friends call me Remy. I am a middle aged divorcee that has decided not to walk the path other people decided to set down for me. I have gained the most strength in my life from my failures. Resilience is a very powerful attribute if you can manage it, I am still building mine up but stick with me and we can forge ahead together.