As a man that has been thrust into the world of the divorce industry for years now I see a handful of directions that men after divorce natural are attracted to. Life after divorce for men is a topic very seldom publicly spoken about. When the topic does come up it is all too common for the man to be told things like
- you are just bitter that the relationship didn’t work, give is some time and you will find another woman and your life will be better for it
- you need to get laid
- you need to try harder, improve yourself, get a better job, buy a house – it will all work out
- you should have seen it coming, she was a witch but not all woman are like that, get over it
I hope you can see the problems with these trends. Here are the five common direction I see men head for.
Male Demise, Homelessness and Neglect
Definitely the most segregated path is the one taken by a huge number of divorced men. As you get more and more of the types of advice mentioned above the shame becomes too great for these men. Mental health problems arise (starts with depression), problems holding down a job follow which lead into isolation and homelessness is never far away from there.
In the town I live in you can hear this story over and over again from as many homeless men as you care to stop and listen to.
The next big path that I see far too many men take is the path back into the arms of another woman. I have heard this story dozens and dozens of times now and have only heard one success story so far.
These relationships are rebound relationships and will only bring more pain for the man if you are not both whole and complete humans.
The Social conditioning of these men continues to convince them that their only worth is that of a utility for the benefit of woman.
Escape, Denial and Compartmentalization
I have a number of close friends who are divorce and taken the option to walk away from it all.
These men are smart enough to see the social conditioning for what it is, they don’t want to play the wage slave game and they have often personal experience watching close family members go through the life longer drudgery of being a slave to the system.
The tragedy here is when these men have children and still make the decision to walk away from it all. It is a tragedy for the children who all deserve to grow up with a father.
Success is determined by how well you can compartmentalize your life and emotions as a man.
Child Support Slave
This is the path I took and it is a seldom trodden path from what I can see.
The child support slave sticks around to support their children financially and fight for the right to spend time with their child and maintain whatever relationship can be left.
To take this track you need to swallow the bitter pill that access to your children have and will continue to be traded with you for money.
Alienation from you children while they are young is common which will be followed a reunion when the kids get old enough to break free from their mothers tentacles.
Post Divorce Success
I have heard stories of men who thrive after divorce and I relish these stories, if you have one please share it with us.
It makes a lot of sense that a man can achieve success a lot easier when they do not have a wife ball and chain slowing him down. I have recently heard a chain of men making their fortunates on the internet and relocating to other countries.
As a closing note I want to add that I don’t think a man can walk any of these paths alone and seldom a conscious decision is made to even choose a path. I hope you can use this article as a prompt to take stock, step back and reach out for companions to join you on your chosen path.
Share your stories below so that other men in need don’t have to walk alone.
Hi there, My friends call me Remy. I am a middle aged divorcee that has decided not to walk the path other people decided to set down for me. I have gained the most strength in my life from my failures. Resilience is a very powerful attribute if you can manage it, I am still building mine up but stick with me and we can forge ahead together.