Hi there. I have got a bunch of very interesting stories to share with you now all to do with dating single parents. Over the past year or so I have heard dozens of stories from people recovering after divorce, after a while quite a few of them jump back into the dating game and from what I can tell that is when the new challenges start.
I promised quite of few of them that I would share their stories one day as a warning to newly divorced or other people in the dating game. Enjoy, I hope you can learn something and put measures in place to make sure you don’t repeat any of these mistakes.
Here goes, in no particularly order, ten stories I have heard more than once that are worth you reflect on. Stick with me because at the end I am going to try to share with you the underlying theme to it all.
#1 The Sugar Daddy Boob Job
This one is pretty common. A 40-50 year old back in the dating game for the first time in decades get taken for a ride by a single mom hotty who need to fund her next cosmetic surgery. The women are usually in their late 20s or early 30s and it is not always a boob job I have also heard of dental work, liposuction, face lifts and nose jobs. The minute the recovery is complete you can bet that sugar dad gets thrown to the curb and mom has a bad boy to play with.
#2 The Centre of Attention Or Else Drama Queen
I am also told that a lot of single moms are presenting themselves to their dates as extremely high maintenance needy girlfriends who will make all sorts of demands akin to what a celebrity would make in their dressing room. I am talking personal stylists, expensive hair/nails/makeup, appearances at special places just for appearance’s sake, constant representation on social media (aka selfie addicts) and other forms of over-the-top princess syndrome behavior.
The key problem here is that these princesses feed on being the center of attention and getting their own way. Put one step wrong and you have a whole posse of princess follower beating down on you and all sorts of online harassment too. On a more personal level there is also a lot of criticism and general negativity coming from the princess’ towards their dates (I guess it is some sort of defense mechanisms, i dunno I am not their shrink).
#3 Threats to lay false domestic violence claims
Now think are starting to get away from the reals of dangers and into violent territory. I have heard a handful of times of women who have been through the typical divorce and learned firsthand how the family court & judicial systems can work in their favor. Once they have been through it once (even if it wasn’t voluntary for them) it is common for them to use the threat of false DV claims as a weapon with their new partners to change the power base. Out of the three or four situations I heard like this none of them ended up well for any of them (one bloke married her and is still with her – scared to take a step out of line, second bloke handed over several thousand dollars to get out and the last bloke spend 35 days behind bars but he was still glad to get away from her).
#4 Stringing along the new partner to bait the ex
This scenario is extremely common. The perpetrator in this case could be male or female. A person who is separated will find a new partner for the exclusive purpose of getting the attention of the ex in an attempt to rekindle the old relationship. It will more often than now end up in some sort of confrontation in a public place whereby the perpetrator (who orchestrated the whole thing) will claim ignorance and pretend to be totally happy.
The worst case I heard of here is an ex-husband punching out the new boyfriend at a football game. Neither of the blokes ended up with the girl, she now has cats.
#5 Kids that try to Sabotage the new relationship
Whilst seemingly being the lesser of all the evils here number 5 is probably the biggest risk factor when dating a single parent. If the kids don’t sanction the relationship it is doomed. No negotiations can be or will be entered into. The kids will also take precedence over the new partner (as they should) so if you fear this could be you don’t delude yourself that their opinions magically don’t matter.
#6 Baby Rabies
This story could be more devastating than #3 if you are not lucky. Beware of the single mother (usually with a single child and little income) in their mid 30s who is getting towards the end of their fertility window. What they will be quietly harboring is desires to have a baby, fast and at any cost. After all once they are pregnant they have both a financial windfall and emotion windfall coming their way.
The warning here is to be aware that some women have been known to lie, cheat, manipulate and do whatever is required to have the baby they feel they are entitled to.
#7 Sportscar Trophy Girlfriend
Here is a warning for the younger women dating older dads. A growing number of male divorcees have been around the bloke, learned from their previous mistakes and change the way they approach dating (usually after a second divorce though). You will see these blokes with the red Italian sports car and a 25 year blonde. He will parade her around his friends like a trophy and treat her not much better.
#8 The Emotional Crutch
Look out for the broken people who are looking to use you as an emotional crutch or distraction from their desperation. These parents will be still traumatized by their past and jump into a new relationship in a bid to fix their past. Run a mile from these people. One thing I heard learned over and over again is that someone else can never fix your internal problems, you need to fix them yourself.
#9 The Unwanted Squatter
Number 9 goes out to Sandy, your know who you are. If you find yourself three months into a new relationship with a single parent and facing down the barrel of moving in with some you don’t really know or don’t really want to live with do yourself a favor and put your foot down. On more than one occasion I have heard stories (from both men and women) of people struggling through a divorce or breakup, getting back on their feet at long last with a new house, starting a new relationship only to open up their house and having the devil move into their sweet home and refuse to leave. There seems to be some urban myth getting around that if you live with someone and break up your are entitled to half their stuff.
#10 The Internet Bride Scam
I can’t warn the men reading this enough about this one. If you have a single dad, do him a favor and warn him too. I have actually heard this one most from women telling me about their dads during contests wills (after he croaks it). What happens here is that the lonely dad buys in the Phillipino bride (or European or insert nationality) she moves to America (or insert alternative western country) and becomes westernized than proceeds to milk as much money out of her donor husband as possible. Sometimes she will divorce him or sometimes she will wait until he dies but the scam will always revolve around him jumping through lots of hoops to hand over his money to her and her children.
I don’t want to finish on such a negative note. Sorry that none of these were good news stories but they were meant to be warnings. You seldom hear people warning other people about making the same mistakes they made. Why is that? I don’t get it, I have always wanted to learn from other peoples mistakes before I make them myself. I hope you share my sentiment. Feel free to share your stories in the comment section below, what did I miss?
Hi there, My friends call me Remy. I am a middle aged divorcee that has decided not to walk the path other people decided to set down for me. I have gained the most strength in my life from my failures. Resilience is a very powerful attribute if you can manage it, I am still building mine up but stick with me and we can forge ahead together.