Category: Self Inquiry

Self Inquiry

Building Self Esteem Back Up To Normal Levels- Several Ideas

building self esteem

When I started this site it was all about divorce recovery but it has grown into so much more than that. Building self-esteem back up again is a key part of divorce recovery but it is also a very important part of every ones life at some point or another. Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t all wait for a crisis to work on our inner health. What is Self esteem I don’t buy into most of the psychology of clinical terminology you may see elsewhere. I much prefer to keep things very simple and re-frame everything into something that a two-year old would understand. For me, self-esteem is simply that overall feeling of good or bad to get about yourself. It is not tied to any actions, it is not tied to any events or external things at it. It is what is left over, the opinion of […]

Your Need for Internal External Validity. How Healthy Is it?


Hello there and welcome. Now what I call internal external validity and what you call it may be two different things so let’s start off by answering the question. What is it? When you need to make a decision or take some sort of action in your life so you just think it through yourself and make a decision or do you need to search for a story to go along with your decision. Something that you can feel comfortable telling someone to justify your decision. E.g. You want to buy a new shirt but you have put yourself on a budget (from spending too much money last month), to justify buying that new shirt to make up a back story; something like it was one sale and you saved money or you needed it for some upcoming event. If you are making up stories (either for your own benefit […]

Self Help for Men – Interconnection And Space Dust

I remember living with a girlfriend in my twenties who was a big reader of self-help books. Our walls were filled with posters of affirmations and her vocabulary was filled with self obsession. I put up with it because she needed whatever help she could get and it kept her focused away from destruction; but self help for men, that a whole new kettle of fish. There is undoubted a huge market out there of self-help products. While I don’t disagree that there is a great number of outwardly facing people who could do with a bit of introspection, pumping up their ego and telling them they are princess snowflakes will only amplify their self obsession leading to more problems. Don’t look for someone else to remove your problems; reading the mainstream types of self-help books is only going to shift blame from one external party onto another. What I […]

How Does Childhood Affect Adulthood? What Path Did You Take To Become The Person You Are Today?


If you have seen movies like “Silence of the lambs” you will be familiar with the thought pattern of serial killers being abused in their childhood therefore making them disturbed adults. As you became more and more familiar with this thought pattern you may have even wondered to yourself how does childhood affect adulthood more generally. What things happened in your past to turn you into the kind of adult you are today? Therapists will go through the motions with you but if you want to make any real progress in your self-examination you will need to put in the hard yards yourself. Here are a few directions you may consider taking. The Brain does strange things and I bet you never even take notice There has been a lot of work go into understanding the human brain. You may still think the same way we did decades ago “the […]